Saturday, March 16, 2013

a letter to the guards..

to all the guards of IPGKB...

i am writing this letter to show my dissatisfaction towards you all.

those days, you were in whites, now in blues, i like both colour though, so its okay to me.still..

the day i was having quite a hard time, almost having to write a letter of apology, it was a relieve when i did not have to because mine wasn't stuffed inside those cards..why did you do that? was it really a help?!

the moment i was about to miss the bus, you appeared as the knight in shining armor, you shouldn't be doing that, it's not your job! you are a guard and not a driver nor a drifter!

i feel good when you took care of my red fury when i was not in the hostel, you rode him and not to forget, filled its empty tank the moment you wanted to return him to me..why so kind? i can fill his tank on my own! it doesn't cost me that much.

that day i took a very rude ride in front of you, dashing without leaving the card, ignoring your instruction that demands me to stop, you didn't scold me when i deserved it, you accept my apology, you should have scolded me!

when i bring along my friends without the helmet, you lent us the helmet there. you shouldn't be caring enough to lend us the helmet, you can let us die on the road, no biggie! its not your fault anyway~

you took the short journey (for me its long) in the night along the dark road beside the tall trees though you was riding the bicycle and i was walking, i felt safe... should have walked if you really wanted to accompany me!

you always asked me the moment i rode alone, though i din feel like answering, you showed you care...why bother? i'm not you daughter!

pumping RF's tyres,knowing that i might skidded at the corners, at the same time wetting your uniform with sweat, for me who just cared less for the air inside the tyre, know what? you shouldn't be doing that, you should just let me do the pumping, no hard least i know the meaning of tired, the meaning of 'i-should-care' and the meaning of sweat!

you shouldn't have called me by my name not knowing that it might create a sense of belonging, a sense of relationship? errr,, i am one that appreciate those who knows me by my name, that was the thing you should NOT be doing! you should just call me 'budak' or anything as long as it isn't my name!you can even call me 'hey!' or 'weh!'

and shouldn't be reminding me all those scary thinggy lurking outside this IPG cage! i know it already! you don't have to remind me!

above all, these are just the thing i have to say, if only all of you appears again right before my eyes...

not much of a thing i remember clearly enuff but all those things you did was a great help from Allah, to me from you... those things i wrote above was all the good things you have done, all that i could remember, there're more but i can't remember, those things were done not because of the job, but i see those are out of love, kindness, relationship among humans and the desire to help without asking for repayment..

i'm sorry i din care enuff to all of you, not even knowing your names when you have did all good things for me... i din respect you the way you should be...i may be stubborn at times, rebellious as well as rude at times..but that's me a 'small girl' you see passing by the gate from time to time making scared and in confident face...

i want you all to be my friends, not merely just guards that have to be there guarding the gate, opening the doors, taking care of our safety...not just all those duties which are yours to be done... i want it to be more than that, friends maybe?

and, i want to treat you all something, but i can't afford anything.. i wan't to be someone you know among all thousands of people you are taking care should i repay all the kindness? (if i may ask)

it wasn't actually my intention of merely for the sake of my bike that i'm leaving it to you guys during the long days when i'm not around, it is so that there's something i can talk about, with you guys, something that will make the relationship works! and it did so well that i can feel the warmth with you all, you aren't guards to me, you are my friends!

i always have bad thoughts about guards, they are scary, they are terrible, they beat people, scold anyone anywhere, but that was those days, those guards i hate the most... now that its you guys, i've changed my perception, you aren't those people... i'm glad...

p/s: can you please just let me know if you are moving elsewhere? cause it hurts to see the faces i know are missing.. can you please let me know your name??


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